τον άρτον ημών τον επιούσιον

i know i am not nor would i ever want to be
your genesis
i know you have existed
before we have and know
i would not have you stripped of your days
before me of
all your works and days of hands¹
but you should know i sometimes meet
the women who have filled your dreams and
your awakenings
i know your women
i know the wetness of their bodies
the redness of their mouths when they lean towards you
to offer you whatever they have managed to gather
on their way
i know the redness of their mouths as they lie down and say
λάβετε, φάγετε, τούτο εστί το σώμα μου²
and i know the darkness of your own mouth
when you kneel down to worship them
to take your ostia
your benediction
your absolution
i know the darkness of your mouth which trembles with desire
your mouth which tastes of all your women and says
λάβετε τούτο και διαμερίσατε εις εαυτούς ³
i know your mouth on breasts which are not mine and in short i know you
lost inside other bodies
i know the sins you have commited
the forgiveness you have begged for

and i know the kisses of redemption the kisses of reconciliation 

the kisses of love and betrayal

i know the lies you have told and also the many truths
the arms in which you hid yourself the hands which closed your eyes gently
as if everything would be alright
and the fingers which have caressed your hair the nails which tore your skin
and even the words
the whispered words as well as the screaming vowels
all of which mean simply
yes
i know your women
i know their voice their smell and their hunger
for you your hunger for them
the planes you have taken to go find them
the cities you have walked through with them
your amorous geography
i know the promises you have made

and not kept
the gifts wrapped in good paper
chosen scrupulously among an infinity of objects
gifts and surprises wrapped and wrapped and wrapped
and yet impossible to conceal
for once placed in a pair of pale hands or dark hands
it was obvious they were plain boxes of love
and i know your thirst for a smile for a gleaming eye
which is the reason for all gifts

i know your women your beautiful women
and the eyes
the eyes you have looked into the eyes which have conquered you
and inside of which you lost your way many times eyes
distorted by pleasure
and pain
eyes in which you have left the part of yourself
i sometimes try to find
and i know you have arrived here
to me
crippled
by the passion you had to burn out
for you are a man and they were women
your women
your beautiful women whom i know well
most importantly
i know your love for them which is deep
and sincere
dear
i see you disappear
behind their faces
i search you
trying to find a small reference to me
a novelty
a scar or perhaps a different way to contract a muscle
around the eyes or the mouth
i do not find it
i know your love
an amnestic disturbance
an infirmity of the memory
you have forgotten your dreams
your moans and screams
but i will be here to remind you
that you are not mine
and i
not yours
that we both belong to this love of ours
which is filthy
and pure.


1. T.S. Eliot, The love song of J. Alfred Prufock
2. New Testament, Matthew 26:26
3. New Testament, Luke 22:17